(Originally written on June 6, 2013)
First off, I would like to say that I would like nothing more than to have a good relationship with you. To me, what that means is three people sitting down, discussing the “best” course of action rather than just trying to talk each other out of doing whatever is supposedly “wrong”. I want a relationship where instead of thinking about what we know and what we grew up with, we talk about how we can make sure that we’re all as happy as possible.
After all, that is the goal. We all want each other to be happy. No one likes being sad or angry. That’s why we get so upset at each other. That’s why you get upset at me when you think I’m doing something “wrong”. You care about my wellbeing and I really, really appreciate that. I want that to continue and I want the opportunity to include the people who care about me in my life. I want us to be able to speak openly and I want us all to have open minds. If we limit our possibilities from the start, how can we ensure that we find the best solution for everyone? Let’s make decisions with sound, rational thought, not blind obedience and tradition. Let’s discuss the limits and conditions of our decisions. Let’s talk about how we can make everyone as comfortable as possible. Making sure I’m happy doesn’t have to make your life suddenly uncomfortable and unbearable. If that’s what you think is happening, let’s talk about that.
The truth is, I don’t want a relationship like the one you have with my two other siblings. I don’t want to constantly have to hide things from you. I respect your experience and I value your input. I want to be able to come to you for advice and make you a part of my life.
At this point, you really can’t expect to make decisions for me. That’s just going to be destructive for everyone. What I want is for you to help me make decisions and be a part of my life without trying to run my life. That’s the goal isn’t it? You’ve been training me for almost 18 years to be able to handle myself and be happy. Now all I’m asking for is an opportunity to do that. I want to be happy and I want to include you as much as possible in that.
You and I are intelligent, sophisticated human beings who are capable of making rational, well thought-out decisions. I want to be happy, and I know that at the end of the day, you want that too. Instead of hiding and fighting, please, let’s just sit down and talk. I can’t blindly follow everything you tell me to do, but I want us to make decisions together from time to time. As I grow up, it would be a shame to go into the world alone knowing that I could have had two intelligent, experienced people backing me up and helping me make the best decisions possible.